Friday, May 20, 2011

Lost


When today, the rain wetted the window panes,
It had blurred the image of life,
There sat at one dark corner, someone.
Someone, who meant a lot to himself;
Someone, the victim of time.

Tears were trickling down his cheeks;
Some wetted the leaves of his life,
While some were absorbed into wilderness.

His agony crept every hour and every minute;
But the rain had turned into a shower by then,
Wetting everything around;
With his life.

When the images of loss called him now,
His heart had said, “Not now….”
When the images of separation called him,
His mind had said, “O Heart! Please forgive me….”

To him today,
The flooded streets and the blurred panes
Stood for a different meaning;
He had begun to experience
The cruelty of time,
The cruelty of life.

The haze of near Future called him then
As he had answered His call.

A helpless soul, he knows not
When the rain shall end.
He knows not
When his cheeks would dry.

Now he has to thrust
His way into somewhere,
Somewhere, away from life,
Away from paradise.
Somewhere, where there’s everything,
Except you all,
Except my heart.

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Saturday, May 14, 2011

Who Knows?

Time Indecisive....

It was only that day,
When I saw my desperate face
Shirking reality,
Shirking opportunity.

The blinds were drawn,
And the night drew in;
And a vague indecision started
To linger around me.

The horns of dilemma had hit me,
And had left me aptly injured.
The boys were playing that day
Under the good old afternoon sun;
But I couldn’t enjoy.

The uncertainty of my living,
Of my thoughts and feelings,
Paid no heed to me today;
While life’s rocking chair clung to me.

I faced an uncertainty between
Heart and Brain;
And I asking myself,
“Which to opt for?
Can I leave the present
To go for the future?
And whom shall I follow,
My best-wishers or myself?”

The hounds of Fate
Keep gnawing at me still,
And the claws of confusion
Keep grappling me,
As I know not what to do.

Who knows?
Perhaps my future,
Rests on my brain?

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Ah! O Nature!



The powerful gust of Nature
Strikes across the windows
With the door straining at its hinges;
With the panes rattling;
O Wind! Thou blowest with thy fullest might!

I can feel thee through my veins,
Through my heart thou flowest
Thou moveth me today.

The leaves rustle and the sky roars,
The river speeds and forms ripples.
I throw myself across the verandah witnessing thee;
Whilst thee showest thy nature.

The cumulonimbi close in, growing denser.
It’s time for a shower,
It’s time for a break.

O Wind O! Who’s greater than you?

Now the rain pelts down hard,
Wetting my hands.
The droplets trickle down the leaf margins,
The droplets dissolve the dust.

The rain arrives with regalia,
Powering outright.
The world witnesses its majesty
And its might.

O Rain! O Rain!

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O WIND!



You denude all the trees in my sight,
And all of them wear out;
But I embrace myself to one,
Protecting it from you.

But you blow on and on,
I have nothing to do.
A time shall come
When my tree shall also die,
When I shall wander in loneliness.

When the faded memories of the tree
Shall strike me,
When its leaves shall comfort me,
It might be too late;
Who knows if it’s the last winter for my tree?

In an away land,
When memories similar to my tree meet me,
I writhe in pain, hoping a last hope.
The last hope flickers like a weak flame
And duly prone to the fierce wind.
Why wind why?

And so I ask now,
“O Time! Why are you so cruel?
O Life! Why are you so painful?”

And so shall you blow,
And so shall I twist in agony,
And so shall we drag on sluggishly,
And so do we have to accept Life’s travail.
But yet we have to move on,
Happily bearing your cruelty.

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Hardened Heart




That day my heart was as soft as a flower;
Prone to all sorts of feelings.
That day thy heart touched me;
I drowned myself in
A whirlpool of emotions
And yelled with joy.

As the days passed,
I got to know thee more;
Then when I expected something from thee,
I got none.
Then when I thought of comforting thee,
I halted.

Thy rock had shattered itself by
Striking my heart;
Breaking into pieces myriad.
The largest one went to someone unknown,
While the smallest remained with me.

Do you know why the rock shattered?
My heart hardened itself today,
Resisting all growing emotions.
And so it lives now,
Mostly dead, mostly scarred.
And yet, hardened by experience
It lives, shielding everything that appears.

And so do I cry now,
Hour after hour,
Minute after minute;
Since deep down in my heart,
Lay that permanent notch,
That can never be erased.

But that scar shall guide me through
This fake world all over again.
So runs my motto:
"Expect nothing, and so
Lose nothing…."

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Friday, March 25, 2011

2001-2002 (Taken from “The Gaming Memories”)


Straight ten years back—when I was a tot, recently admitted to Don Bosco School. I clearly recall it was the tenth of June when for the first time, a computer thrust its way into our house. I had experienced hands since I used to type in the computer at my father’s table at his office (yes, I went to his office also on Saturdays or Sundays. It had been the Command Prompt (MS DOS); no Windows. Over here, we had no computer table at that time and so the PC was kept on the drawing room bed for the time being. My dad assembled it after consulting my friend’s dad from whom it was purchased.
     DEMORASH (or rather ROADRASH), the game that I had first seen with bulging eyes in one of my friends’ house just weeks ago, was a hot cake at that time. “Player 1” (changeable, of course) inscribed at the left hand corner juts below the speedometer and the man ahead of you on the right side. The music was captivating and the bike crashes sensational. And the man used to run towards his bike howsoever it crashed and after picking it up in a unique style, he went off. I still remember that there was always a fellow named Mike at the front and following him Bose. Then there was the “Restroom”, which you call the “Main Menu”. Then there were the unforgettable “Sam” and “Sydney” whom I liked kicking, punching (=kick and =punch and + together once=ceaseless involuntary punches). Great game it was indeed! I couldn't stop laughing! Later on in the following years, I went on to complete the full version of the game.

                Fifa 99, Cricket ’97 Ashes Tour Edition were also loaded with the computer. The cricket game had a lot of memories with my elder nephew (two-years elder to me) but I shall throw light on that later on, when I received the full version. Let me tell you my specifications at that time: Windows 98, 64 MB of RAM and Pentium III 733 MHz and 10 GB HDD. Don’t’ giggle! I used to look transfixed at the computer and my mom used to put the food into my mouth while I involuntarily masticated.  Oh, there was KBC also: the same Amitabh Bachchan voice and random questions with all lifelines ready to be availed of. Brilliant experience!
                Digit, India’s most demotic tech-mag, found the roots of its inception in June 2001. My dad bought the October issue. That time you didn’t have three dual layer DVDs, we only had a Playware CD and a Mindware CD. I remember that there was a game involving Donald Duck which had to be played with the CD plugged in without any installation. That time the price of the recently extinct Nokia 6600 was near about `30,000 with which today you can easily lay your hands on a brand new Nokia N8. You know the significance of this Playware CD? The beginning of my love affair with games, or rather an irresistible addiction which I later got to know. A latent passion was on the cards. My dad kept buying every month’s issue and I kept being all agog at games galore.

Max Payne [I]—The American Dream, was released in 2001; I laid my hands on the demo when I was 7. 

One of the best Co-operative First Person Shooters at that time was the Unreal Tournament. Whoa! What a game! What weapons! It had been an instant hit. Being a child I used to pronounce it “Un-reel Tower-ment”. I still remember my folder had 26 games in some month of 2002 and all of them demos. 
The Grand Theft Auto games which are played now are of the newer variety. I saw history being made, with GTA I and GTA II being, at that time, a cut above the rest.  
I started playing Delta Force in the June of 2002 when dad bought a CD comprising DF 1, DF 2 and DF 3 (Land Warrior). Oh! What a game! It was amazing for an FPS of those days featuring multiple weapon-varieties. Sensational indeed!
Heard of EA SPORTS Cricket 2002? The game that fetched millions, taking the generation by storm, was released in the same month of June, 2002. I played the demo and instantly got addicted to it. That was my first cricket game after the spanking Cricket ’97 (I shall keep a separate post for this).  
This wasn’t the end of 2002, I played S.W.A.T. 3—the first game in its genre that involved realistic handcuffing, lock-breakers and tear gas.
Now the game that still makes me cry—Age Of Empires II-The Age of Kings; My first ever Strategy game after I had played a similar game of that sort prior to it. The menu music still haunts me; the calls of the Paladin, the Samurai and the Cavalry; Genghis Khan and the Mongols—in short, I played History at quite a young age.
                With Quake 2 I had similar memories. I completed the game along with my 6-years elder cousin. He lives in Kolkata and in the December of 2003, I played it once more in a game parlor, 30 seconds distance from his house.
                There were many others like Crimson Skies [my first fighter plane game] and innumerable forgotten names.
                So, (*sigh*) that was for 2001-2002. Visit this page to get more updates till I come up to 2009-2010.

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Thursday, February 3, 2011


Brings tears to my eyes as it makes me relive my childhood memories in an utter sentimental connection.......

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